Re: She is Engaged to a Guy, How Do I Attract/ Impress/ Woo Her?

When is the Right Time to ask a Girl out?

Situation: The girl you are interested in has just gotten out of her relationship. You're wondering when the right time to ask her out. 

The things that you have to find out: 

1. How much serious was the relationship!
Why? Because if it was a serious one, chances are:
- Her ex-boyfriend will make contact again, if not now, in some time. It ALWAYS happens. 
- You could end up being a re-bound, which is okay if you are looking for something short-lived and joyful; but if you are looking for a relationship, you don't wanna be in a rebound. 
- If she was in love with him, she might try to contact him in some time, and this mostly happens as one of her secrets. You will get to know about way after it has happened. 

2. Her reactions. 
Don't go by her appearance. She might look really normal or cool right now, but might be breaking inside. Try spending some time with her, and study her reactions. Notice: 
- Does she get lost when you're talking about one thing for long. For example, if you telling an anecdote, a historical fact, just something that forms into a story, does she lose interest?
If yes, there could be two reasons, she is faking and is still disturbed. Second, she is not interested. 
- The normal rate of her smiling/ keeping a happy face. I hope you can recognize a genuine laugh/ smile when you see one. I am hoping you can. 
- Lastly, a depressed or mentally low person never talks much. She wouldn't make much conversation. Notice that.

Now, let's not be too pessimistic. Take some time. Give her some time too. 

The thing you can do is: 

Step I - Ask her what was the perfect guy she pictured. Whatever she says, don't wander around it. What you're doing here is, by asking this question, you open a psychological canvass, in which you can paint. Try to work this part of the conversation and not let it be spontaneous. You start like this, "You know what I think a perfect guy for a girl would be like..." And then you start describing yourself, but the only difference is: 
- With every quality, you give a background.

For example, " (Quality) I think appearances shouldn't matter". (Background) It's like looking into a beautiful lake or living in the mountains. A day would come when it wouldn't look as precious or beautiful as it did the first day, and trust me, if you are staying only for beauty, you'd wanna quit. It's human behavior." (Use terms that reflect intellect. Show her that you are insightful.) Note: Nothing impresses a girl more than an Intellect and a Good talker at the same time. 

After you've executed your detailing of the perfect guy for her. You stay quiet, you notice if she is chatty or quiet. If she is chatty, you're still a friend, if she's quiet, ask her out for a Coffee.

She is Engaged to a Guy, How Do I Attract/ Impress/ Woo Her?

She is Engaged to a Guy, How Do I Attract/ Impress/ Woo Her?

You've mentioned that she is engaged, and she is very reserved, because of the cultural upbringing.
Things you have to notice:
1) She is engaged to a guy who is 8 years older to her.

2) She is not the type who would very likely break off the engagement, even if she wants to.

3) The guy is old. He won't let go of the girl that easily either. He is probably taking care of her very nicely. And she feels safe and secured around him. (This is only conjecturing)

The point is, you're a threat to her future matrimonial prospects. Stop being that. If she did like you, then obviously she lacks the courage to face the truth and call off the whole marriage. It's time to face the truth, my friend. Some people lack the courage to do what they really want to, the reasons for it could be plenty: to avoid a social mess, to avoid a scene, cowardice, confusion, lack of confidence, and also, being stupid.
I presume your're from India, where women from reserved families are very much conscious about society, family, and what people think about themselves. You mentioned she is engaged to a Guy 8 years older to her but nowhere mentioned they are in love, so I am assuming it's an arrange marriage. (Because she liked you)
The chances of breaking her engagement, getting her with you, are very very less, not because there isn't a way, but because of this particular girl.

Anyway, How to break up an engaged girl?

1) Find out what the guy is like, because you will have to outdo him in some way.

2) Hang out with her as much as you possibly can, but don't overdo that. She should enjoy your company as well, and be equally willing to hang out with you too.

3) No guy in this world, likes another straight guy hanging out with her girlfriend/ fiance. At one point, he will start getting jealous from you, and have problems. If you're close, she will defend you which might lead to some fights. If he is a gentleman about it, then you're doomed.

4) Suddenly talk a lot about what she wants to do in her life. This is a long shot, but many a time, women sacrifice their career to marry a guy. You can always ignite the passion for her career again. This is a major engagement-canceler.

5) Tell her bad stories about failed marriages, BUT NEVER CONSCIOUSLY ADVICE HER THAT YOU'RE AGAINST THE MARRIAGE. Make it look like you just heard a story. Play cool.

6) Every guy has a weak spot. We are guys. If you'd try, he will have a weakness, such as alcohol  gambling, (you know where I am going.) Once you find out about it, DISCUSS (Only discuss, do not pass any judgements) with her, make her talk about it as much as you can. It leads to two possibilities:
 - She would either be over it, by talking about it openly.
- You will find some problems that she is hiding beneath denial.

In both the cases, she is talking about irregularities of her boyfriend/ fiance, it will stick in her head. She will remember them which will come out in some aggressive manner.

7) The thing is, most women are really fond of the idea of marriage and have always pictured their lives going this road. So it is very hard to get a girl out of a marriage, whereas with a guy, it's a matter of an hour.
If she has no career ahead of her, and looks for nothing but a married life and has already found a guy, then the only thing you have is to be the guy.
You'd have to make her fall in love with you.

why couples break up

If we consider the history of the institution of marriage, all of us would agree that it started at the time of creation itself. Man and woman are different both biologically and in mental makeup. However, the creation would not continue if man and woman do not come together. The physical and emotional needs unite man and woman and marriages take place. Till the beginning of the twentieth century, joint families and lifetime single marriages were quite prevalent. Divorces were few and far in between. However, things started changing as more and more women took up careers and achieved financial independence. The dependence of women on men declined and even small disagreements were magnified to a large extent that they were considered to be impinging on the individuality. Let us consider the top 15 reasons why couples break up.

1. Desire to be independent.
2. Getting attracted to another person.
3. Infidelity.
4. Physical incompatibility.
5. Less attracted to the person in a sexual way.
6. Lack of proper body maintenance, like becoming too fat.
7. Conflict in tastes and desires.
8. Continuous nagging.
9. Comparing the man or woman to others constantly
10. Imparting unsolicited advice all the time
11. Addiction to alcohol or drugs
12. Deterioration in the health of one spouse or suffering from incurable ailments like HIV
13. Physical and mental abuse and exhibiting sadistic tendencies
14. Ignoring or showing disrespect to friends and relatives of one spouse Impotency or inability to bear children.

The above reasons are all chief causes for a marriage breakup. Sometimes, one reason alone might be enough for separation, while in several cases, a combination of a few of them lead to divorce. In this list, getting attracted to another person and infidelity might appear similar, but there is one important difference between them. In the former, the man or the woman might become more interested in another person and might think of leading a life of marriage with that person as a better option to the current life. In this case, the decision for separation from the present spouse could be taken before a physical contact with the other person. On the other hand, infidelity is actual extra-marital relationship, which is a sure marriage breaker in several cases.

In certain marriages, when the man and woman become united without a physical relationship before the marriage, the physical incompatibility might become apparent when the marriage is consummated, leading to separation. Similarly, the impotency in man or the inability of the woman to bear a child either immediately after the marriage or after several years could result in a divorce. The reduction in physical desire after a few years had also been a cause for the breakup of the marriage. If the health of the man or the woman deteriorates sharply or if they contract incurable diseases like HIV, the marriage might fail. Even the neglect by a spouse of maintaining the physical fitness and becoming too fat or too weak could break a marriage.

Physical and mental abuse is another major reason for divorces. Sadistic tendencies in either spouse that lead to continuous physical or mental torture usually ends in parting of ways. Too much addiction to alcohol or drugs had also led to marriage failures in several cases. Too much nagging by a spouse, and this is usually done more by women than men, had resulted in marriage breakup very often. The other similar reasons are comparing the man or the woman with other persons continuously and hurting the sentiments or creating an inferiority complex could also lead to divorce.

Even imparting unwarranted and unsolicited advice too often is considered as interference in the individuality, leading to disagreements. A joke is there that the psychiatrist charges you for the same advice that the wife gives you free. Too much of anything could spoil even a good relationship. Similarly, conflict in tastes and interests that were ignored during courtship or were considered trivial, assume a bigger shape after marriage and lead to fights. If the man or the woman ignore or show disrespect to the friends and relations of the other, that results in misunderstanding and creates irritation. Slowly, the couple starts drifting apart in such circumstances and finally part ways totally.

Finally, the financial independence achieved by women had brought in a change in their attitude. They feel that their individuality must be respected and should not be interfered with. Their economic dependence on men is much less or non-existent compared to olden days when women stayed at home. Further, the separate careers result in men and women working in different places, thus increasing not only the physical distance but also the mental distance. This invariably leads to separation. All these causes, either singly or in combination, end up in the couple breaking up. However, an understanding approach and a give-and-take policy would avoid divorces, if both men and women take a more tolerant attitude.